The day’s end, another moment to reflect.

Dearest Diary,

I found myself reflecting on what it means to better myself while navigating life as an INFJ—a personality often tied to people-pleasing tendencies.

The thing about being a people pleaser is how it complicates relationships, especially when you’re friends with two people who dislike each other.

Both are kind, caring, and supportive toward me, but their history is riddled with hostility and passive-aggressive moments. Despite once being friends, their bad blood now seems irreparable. While they manage civility in forced interactions, the bitterness spills over when they vent about each other to me.

I value my friendship with them both, but during times of strife, the stress of their negativity weighs on me. I’ve tried playing devil’s advocate, helping them rationalize their thoughts, even defending the other. But instead of easing the tension, it often feels like I’m betraying their trust.

So, what am I to do?

Recently, I came across a study in Frontiers in Psychology (2021) highlighting how third-party mediators in conflicts often face emotional burnout. It made me realize that constantly trying to diffuse tension between these two friends might be taking a greater toll on me than I’d admitted.

Another concept I’ve been exploring is emotional resilience. Research by Tugade and Fredrickson (2004) emphasizes that cultivating positive emotions can act as a buffer against stress. It’s a reminder that I need to prioritize my emotional well-being and seek out moments of joy and balance, even amidst conflict.

I’ve also been reflecting on boundaries. According to The Journal of Counseling Psychology (2010), setting and maintaining boundaries can lead to healthier relationships and improved self-esteem. Perhaps it’s time to kindly but firmly let both friends know that I can’t engage in conversations about the other. A simple statement like:

“I really value my friendship with both of you, but I’ve realized that conversations about the other are emotionally draining for me. I hope you can understand if I avoid those topics moving forward.”


Would they understand? I don’t know, but maybe it’s worth trying.

I also find myself returning to mindfulness practices. Studies have shown that mindfulness-based stress reduction (MBSR) programs can reduce emotional distress and improve interpersonal interactions (Journal of Behavioral Medicine, 2003). Perhaps by incorporating mindfulness into my routine, I can better manage the stress of being caught in the middle.

This situation has also reminded me of a memory I hold dear—a therapist couple I once met. They spoke of balancing their relationship through shared silence and individual hobbies. Their approach to self-care wasn’t selfish; it was the foundation for a stronger bond. Their wisdom inspires me to intertwine self-care with my relationships, knowing it’s an act of love, not betrayal.

And so, dear diary, I’m taking small steps forward. I’m trying to listen to my own needs and protect my peace. Maybe that’s what bettering myself looks like right now.

Yours in letters, always,
Pandora

P.S. If you’re reading this now, welcome to my late-night musings. If you’re catching up later, I’d love to hear your thoughts—leave a comment or connect with me on social!